Just imagine: you absolutely want something, and it’s near enough for you to touch. Then it’s taken away from you. But wait. There it is again. Near enough to touch again… you’re almost at your goal. But again, someone takes it away from under your nose. Sounds frustrating, right? But in some situations, it can also be very arousing. There are different names for this sex practice: coitus reservatus, peaking, tease and denial, cum control, stop-and-go games, and many more. They all mean the same thing: delaying orgasm over and over again, or even refusing it completely. There are different ways to get your partner going and continually delay the climax. We’ll let you in on what they are and how they work now.
Karezza or coitus reservatus – When you only want to cuddle
Today we are all under enormous pressure to perform, in almost every part of our lives. It’s not just professionally that we expect ourselves to always perform to the best of our abilities; we also put ourselves under the same kind of stress in our sex life. We often fall for the delusion that we and also our partner always really need to orgasm. We seem to forget that sex is about so much more than just an orgasm. Do you want to shift your sex life down a gear and be back in the moment again? We’ve got the thing for you: karezza.
This sexual practice is for anyone who enjoys slow sex or mindful sex. Karezza originally comes from the Italian meaning stroking or caressing, and is about creating intimacy with your partner: orgasm is just not important. Touching and consequently sensuality is the focus. The goal is to unlearn our fixation on orgasms dictated by society and the media. Karezza takes the pressure that women in particular struggle with out of your sex life. For this you need one thing more than anything else: time. Take a lot of time to caress the body of your partner and in doing so increase their desire (and therefore also your own). Anything is permitted: you can stroke, massage, kiss and even penetrate your partner. There’s only one thing to avoid, or at least not force: an orgasm. You should particularly focus on your partner’s erogenous zones.
Erogenous zones to focus on with the karezza technique
Throat and neck: Move your thumb in circles left and right from the spine, from the hairline to the shoulders and back again. Stroke the neck with your fingers or lips. Goosebumps guaranteed!
Breast: Stroke the nipples using your fingertips, mouth or tongue. You can also lightly suck them. This is arousing for both men and women. If you (and we’re only talking to the men here) have enough skills at your fingertips, you can even indulge your partner so much that they have a nipple orgasm.
Inside of arms and wrists: Gently kiss and lick along the inside of the upper arms, down to the armpit. Move along the inside of the forearm and gently stroke over the wrist, knuckles and palms.
Stomach: Rub some pjur Original between your palms and stroke large circles with your palm flat over your partner’s stomach. Gently massage it around the navel, or rest your hand there while you focus on other areas. Using soft pressure on the base of the navel can even send thrills to the vagina.
Anus: The anus is one of the most sensitive zones of the human body. Particularly in and around the anus there are many highly sensitive nerve endings. Trail your tongue around the anus or along the perinea. This will stimulate a really sensitive erogenous zone.
These are just a couple of examples, and each of us has our own erogenous zones. Take the time to discover your partner’s. This will help you learn more about your partner’s desire – you might even learn a whole new side to each other and go on an erotic journey of discovery together! Particularly in long-term relationships, it’s easy for the erotic spark to get lost along the way. Karezza offers the opportunity to rediscover your desire for each other. And again, don’t worry too much: if you do climax that’s not a problem. With karezza, sex is more of a journey to be enjoyed – which might culminate in orgasm or might not.
Tease and denial
Another type of orgasm control is tease and denial. The stop-and-go game originated from the BDSM scene, and is particularly suitable for submissive people who enjoy being controlled by someone else. Unlike with karezza, it is not about exchanging displays of affection and creating intimacy. With tease and denial, the dominant person controls the partner and their desire, while inflicting pleasurable pain. Because don’t forget: desire and pain are often two sides of the same coin. To do this, you need to know your partner’s erogenous zones really well.
Are you thinking about giving tease and denial a go? We’ve got a couple of tips for beginners:
- Naturally, you need to talk openly to your partner about your desires and fantasies. Communication is the name of the game here.
- If you want to be the dominant one, it’s a good idea to handcuff your partner to the bed so they can’t intervene with the orgasm.
- Everything is permitted (but of course only if you’ve agreed it together first): oral sex, hand job, dirty talk, sex toys or even sensual massages.
- If the penis starts to throb or the vaginal muscles tense, stop immediately and let your partner come back down.
- At first, if you don’t have much experience with tease and denial, you shouldn’t arouse your partner for longer than 30 minutes at a time, and at the end reward or even release your partner with an orgasm. If you overdo it with teasing, it can actually go backwards. For women, prolonged teasing can lead to overstimulation. For men, substantial stimulation without an orgasm can cause what is known as “blue balls”: the testicles turn blue, although they quickly turn back to normal after orgasm. In BDSM circles, people talk about the releasing orgasm as far more intense and intoxicating. However, in BDSM circles an experienced DOM occasionally refuses the orgasm completely.
But let’s be honest: teasing without a releasing orgasm is not to everyone’s taste. For some people, it is very frustrating to be turned on over and over again and not to have an orgasm at the end of it. For some people that can lead to a really bad atmosphere in the bedroom – and no one wants that! So, it’s a good idea to try out karezza or tease and denial for yourself first, and include it in your masturbation routine for a while. If you enjoy it, then talk about it openly with your partner and give it a go.
And don’t forget: the idea is to have fun and enjoy yourself. So, no need to stress!
Image sources: pexels-cottonbro-5681349, pexels-polinach-11190286, pexels-ana-maria-moroz-1700767
