Does your relationship no longer feel right, yet you’re not sure if the relationship is over or if perhaps you’re just imagining it and things aren’t actually as bad as all that? We have put together a few tell-tale signs to help you evaluate whether the relationship you’re in is still right for you.
Your relationship is over if…
…you find the little messages your partner writes for you irritating rather than enjoying them. The butterflies of the early days will disappear over time, yet small gestures like this should still make you happy.
…you prefer to plan your free time alone and you’re even happy if your partner occasionally spends a weekend with their friends or even has to go away for a week with work. A couple shouldn’t spend all their time with only each other for company, but if you prefer spending time alone rather than with your partner then it’s time to worry. It’s a sign that you can—and would much rather—live without your partner.
…you prefer going out somewhere where you’ll have to speak to each other as little as possible. Going to the cinema or to a concert are examples of ways to avoid having to talk. However, since good communication is one of the most fundamentally important elements in a relationship, this should give you pause for thought.
…you no longer care how you look in front of them. At the start of a relationship, we still attach a great deal of importance to our appearance when we are with our partner. It’s important to us that they find us attractive. If you don’t care anymore and you no longer enjoy making yourself look nice for your partner, it could be that you’re right to worry the relationship is over.
…you simply aren’t interested in having sex with your partner anymore. But beware—we’re not talking about a lack of interest in sex generally. Every healthy relationship goes through phases of sexual inactivity. But if it’s not down to your own low sex drive and more to do instead with the fact that your partner no longer turns you on—yet you’d like to have sex with other people—your relationship may well be over.
…you’re more interested in other men or women than in your own partner. We’re not talking about looking at other people. That’s something we all do from time to time. We’re talking about being able to imagine having a relationship with other people and living with them.
…you can barely imagine starting a family with your partner or marrying them at some point. The whole point of a relationship is somehow still to grow old together and start a family. If you are no longer able to imagine a future together with your partner, you’ve probably still not actually found your soul mate.
…you’re not able to laugh with your partner anymore. For many people, humour is especially important in a relationship. If there’s nothing left that you can laugh about together, it almost certainly means that you also no longer share any moments that you can enjoy looking back on together.
…your partner irritates you; they chew too loudly, don’t tidy their things away properly and barely do anything around the house anyway. There will always be things you find annoying about each other, but if anything irritates you, it may be that the relationship is over.
…you’re no longer interested in what your partner does all day. Couples in a well-functioning relationship will ask each other how their day was and are interested in what the other person has been doing and what they’ve had to grapple with throughout the day. If you find you’ve lost interest and no longer talk to your partner about what they have been doing, then all is not well in your relationship.
…you and your partner have not had sex in a long time and you no longer feel any desire for each other.
…you only ever argue with your partner these days and you clash over every little thing. In fact, usually over nothing at all actually—since every little thing just becomes an opportunity to argue.
Of course, every relationship is different and some people may even find some points listed here that they consider to be completely normal in their relationship. And it’s also true that a relationship is not over simply because a few of the issues mentioned here apply. But if you feel that your relationship is over and the points listed in this article really do feel very familiar, you should have a think about ending the relationship. After all, clinging on to your partner—despite the fact the relationship is over for you—won’t do anyone any good. It only causes more pain.