Our sexuality and relationships are currently being put to the test by the uncertainties of the coronavirus pandemic. Restrictions on activities such as dating and ongoing lockdowns are proving to be an ordeal for singles and couples alike – not just affecting our social lives but our sex lives too. At times like this, we tend to reflect more on our lives and this includes focusing on issues around sex. Anyone looking for answers to questions such as “Where do I stand?” or “Where do we stand?” could start to find answers by adopting a “sex-positive” attitude. After all, we can always work on our own mindset, can’t we? So let’s take a look at what “sex positivity” actually means and how it can help us improve the sex in our relationships.
What is sex positivity?
Sex positivity is, on the one hand, a movement dedicated to promoting equal sexual rights regardless of gender, relationship concepts and sexual preferences. On the other hand, sex positivity is an attitude or mindset that focuses on sexual freedom, tolerance and acceptance. Both the movement and mindset promote a positive, affirmative, consensual and self-determined approach to our own and other people’s sexuality. Consent and sexual health are, of course, the most important factors here. But otherwise, within this framework, there is little that is considered a taboo. Sex positivity spans all areas regardless of age, gender, relationship status and sexual orientation – from kinky through BDMS to tantra. Sexual self-determination and inclusion are top priorities.
The great thing about a sex-positive mindset is that it teaches you to appreciate yourself more by encouraging you to have more respect and understanding of other sexual lifestyles and forms of relationships. Anyone who adopts this mindset is more open to their own sexuality and different types of relationships. Sex-positive people are also more tolerant of different sexual practices and orientations, all of which offers more opportunities to find your own “sexual” happiness within a relationship or as a single person.
So, as we can see, a sex-positive mindset brings with it a host of factors that help shape and grow our own personalities. Sex-positive people are more open to the broad spectrum of sexuality. As a result of this openness, they are thought to be more open in their own relationships and subsequently more likely to experience better sex in their relationships.
So what are the benefits of a sex-positive mindset for us and our relationships?
- Appreciating and paying more attention to our own bodies, our own sexual needs and the needs of others
- Tolerating and accepting different types of relationships and sexual practices
- Being open and confident about our sexuality
- Experiencing more personal growth
- Taking responsibility for ourselves and our sexual needs
- Being open about our own desires and those of our partners
- Experiencing more intimacy and fun during sex
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, being able to grow and evolve is always good and always necessary. “Where are we now and where do we want to go?” These and other questions can often plague singles and couples alike. This is because we need to grow – not just on personal level but on a sexual level too. Our sexual development can be particularly important in relationships if both partners are looking to evolve in a more general sense. This is because sex is a particularly good way of learning more about a relationship. Of course, you don’t HAVE to experience sexual growth in your relationship. Sex positivity is also clear on that: “Everything is possible, nothing is mandatory”. As a concept, then, it offers single people and couples a number of opportunities to grow.
In relationships, especially long-term relationships, a sex-positive attitude can help you:
- Be more open
- Discover and expand your own desires
- Try out new things
- Grow and evolve together
- Find deeper happiness
How do I start to grow sexually?
If you want to grow and evolve on a sexual level, you should first create your own “sexual profile”. After all, our sexuality is as unique as we are. If we want to evolve, we have to get to know ourselves better – whether that’s how we experience desire or orgasms or finding out what our attitudes towards sex are. We might even discover that we don’t need to grow further or that we have already developed, just in a different direction. The results of a sexual profile are always surprising because, let’s face it, we never know exactly what we want and where we want to go.
So what exactly should we do to develop ourselves and our relationships further? The following questions can help you create a sexual profile. If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner (and anyone else involved) should do it too:
- What makes me who I am? What are my values when it comes to love and relationships?
- What do I bring to the table? What do I need to work on?
- What do I like sexually and what would I like to try?
- Do I know enough about different types of relationships and sexual practices?
- What do I find exciting? What turns me on?
How can sex positivity change sex in a relationship?
A sexual profile gives us more information about ourselves, enabling us to apply this knowledge to future and current relationships. If we are open about our sexuality, we can talk more openly about sex in our relationships. If you’re currently not in the mood for sex or are not feeling as attracted to your partner, this could also have something to do with your mindset. We can actively counteract this by adopting a sex-positive attitude.
How do I practice positive sex?
But can you really improve your own sex life by exclusively practising positive sex? Yes! After all, it’s down to us to create the sex lives we want.
The following tips can help us do this:
- Tip 1: Make a list of all the positive feelings about yourself, your partner and sex
- Tip 2: Think about your positive sexual experiences more often. Also think about them before and during sex if this helps you experience more pleasure
- Tip 3: Send yourself affectionate reminders or send your partner loving or sexy messages every day. You and your partner will both benefit from these small displays of affection.
- Tip 4: Every now and then during sex, try to focus on having as much fun as possible or being as passionate as possible.
We’ve seen what sex positivity means and how we can apply it in our lives and relationships. We’ve also seen how it can change sex in a relationship. So we think it’s definitely worth trying to spice up your relationships with a bit of sex positivity.
Editor’s note: The content of this blog always includes same-sex relationships, even if the examples given are of heterosexual relationships.