It’s a taboo for men and anything but satisfying – we’re talking about coming too soon. It results in sex that’s over almost before it’s even really begun. And of course it’s far from satisfying for your partner, too. But how soon is too soon, why do men suffer from premature ejaculation and what can they do to make themselves last longer?
How soon is too soon?
There’s no fixed length of time after which it’s okay for men to come. Some people have sex for just a few minutes on average, while others spend longer having a roll in the sheets. In another blog article, we had a closer look at how long sex should last. On average, it’s somewhere between three and thirteen minutes – or that’s what the research says, at least. In principle, premature ejaculation can therefore be defined simply as being when the man comes too quickly, even though both partners are left unsatisfied after sex. This can have a negative impact on a person’s psyche and self-confidence, but it can lead to problems within a relationship, too. The first step in the right direction is to find out what is causing the problem of coming too soon.
What causes premature ejaculation?
There are various causes of premature ejaculation that can be identified. In most cases, it is not a functional disorder that causes men to come too soon. Instead, there are completely normal causes that can affect any man.
Sometimes a man comes too soon when he is extremely aroused. Many men also come too quickly if they’ve not had sex for a long time. If you don’t have sex often, when you do have sex your desire then surges so quickly that it’s difficult to control it. Premature ejaculation can also occur when the pressure to perform is too great. If you consider all these causes, it’s hardly surprising that virtually all men would probably say they’ve come too soon at some point. It is only when it becomes a long-term problem, with a man consistently coming too soon, that there could be a physical cause too, of course – and that’s when it’s time to see a doctor. For example, premature ejaculation can be caused by inflammation of the urinary tract or prostate. And then of course there’s also erectile dysfunction, which can also cause premature ejaculation. However, the following tips are intended for those who occasionally suffer from coming too soon. Anyone who has a long-term problem should always consult a doctor.
Tips to avoid coming too soon
There are in fact a few tips to help you last longer when you’re having sex. And without having to take any kind of medication, too!
- Sometimes just thinking about something else can help. You shouldn’t come across as being completely absent, of course, but thinking about something other than the sex you’re having at that particular moment can sometimes stop you coming too soon.
- A quick break can work wonders. Either by changing position – which means the penis is not constantly being stimulated – or by slowing things down a little.
- Don’t have sex too infrequently or too fast. Long gaps between having sex can make a man’s penis particularly sensitive, resulting in him coming too soon. Equally, sex that is too fast can also stimulate a man’s penis so much that he comes too quickly.
- Some couples’ therapists advise trying paradoxical intervention. This involves setting out with the intention to come too soon. It usually has the opposite effect, and the man doesn’t come too soon. A bit like when you’re not supposed to laugh – it usually makes it even harder. It’s certainly worth a try 😉
- Masturbation can sometimes be a good way to last longer. Either by masturbating before you actually have sex, or by trying to delay ejaculation when you’re masturbating – whether that’s by slowing down, trying to think of something else or pausing in the middle. If you plan to try masturbating before you have sex, however, you should only do it if you’re absolutely sure you’ll be able to manage a second time later the same day.
- Special extra-thick condoms are available, which reduce the intense sensations the man feels in his penis and can therefore delay premature ejaculation. This is a particularly good option for one-night stands, when you should always use condoms for protection.
It’s hard to say what really helps combat premature ejaculation. That’s something each individual needs to discover for themselves. However, there are a few options that are worth trying!