Mindfulness, meditation and looking “inwards” seem to already be all anyone’s talking about in 2022. Because the more time you spend in front of the TV, on your smartphone or at work, the less inner peace you cultivate. This can also have a negative impact on lust and intimacy. To counteract this, mindful sex can help you relax faster and focus more on your feelings and needs in bed. So, let’s look in more detail at what mindful sex is and how it can help you to have better sex and boost your desire.
What is mindful sex?
Mindful sex means practicing attentive sex. It’s almost the opposite of a quickie or spontaneous sex. Mindful sex is not about “immediate gratification”, performance or chasing an orgasm. No! Mindful sex is profound and intimate sex, a completely new form of sensuality in bed.
How does mindful sex work?
Just like meditation, mindful sex is about being in the here and now and focusing on your thoughts. The sex is slow and more emotional; you concentrate on every slightest touch and take your time to really feel your body and your partner’s. Mindful sex is not a sex practice, but an attitude and approach to your own intimacy and lust.
The aim of mindful sex is about sensing what feels good for your body and your partner’s, awakening your libido and learning to reduce distracting thoughts during sex. The focus during mindful sex is intensely on feeling, and you can use meditation techniques to help you achieve this. As meditation is essentially the ability to focus our mindfulness, concentration and mind, there’s all the more reason to use it for sex as well. As we all know, lust and amazing sex start in the head. Using meditation or mindfulness training we can enhance our sex life.
But what are the benefits to mindful sex?
The benefits of mindful sex for you and your relationship:
- Less stress
Many people find sex stressful, particularly if it is painful, their bodies aren’t producing enough lubrication or there are uncertainties or communication problems within the relationship.
If this stress response is activated, it’s far harder to get into the right mood. Mindfulness naturally reduces stress, because it helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system. In turn, this balances the sympathetic nervous system that is responsible for stress responses. As a result, mindful sex means you are more in the moment, can enjoy touch more, and consciously embrace sex.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking about the laundry or work during sex, you’ll know that it’s not always easy to focus. Meditation and mindful sex trains you to focus your mind and therefore get all the senses “blazing”. Concentrating on something intensely is complex and challenging, but focus during sex can work real wonders on orgasms. Once you’ve found inner peace, you’ll notice that you no longer want to chase an orgasm. Because isn’t it so much better if the orgasm builds naturally?
- Your libido increases
A study by Brown University supports the theory that if you meditate regularly, you will react quicker to sexual stimuli and therefore become aroused quicker. This doesn’t mean that a mantra suddenly turns you on, but mindfulness training will lead to you becoming able to relax more, faster, as well as becoming more sensitive to what actually happens during sex – the touching, kissing, penetration. This not only permanently boosts your sex drive, but also your natural lubrication. You will notice that you are able to enjoy physical sensations more during sex too.
- You feel closer to your partner
If you are able to “root” yourself in the present moment, you will also be more conscious of the other person, which makes for a more intimate, more intense connection during sex. Mindful sex will also make you more aware of your partner’s presence in everyday life, which leads to greater intimacy and connection, which also makes itself felt between the sheets. Some couples even talk about how mindful sex and mindfulness training restored their love for each other and made their sex life more exciting. So, it’s definitely worth giving mindful sex a try.
How do I prepare for mindful sex?
To be able to concentrate on touch and really let yourself go, it helps to incorporate mindfulness exercises, breathing exercises and meditation techniques into your daily routine. This will increase your ability to be mindful and focus in everyday life and make it easier to use these skills during sex.
Meditate with your partner
You can do mindfulness exercises with your partner, for example. The “body scan” is perfect for this: sit or stand naked back to back with your partner and mentally scan your body, checking in with how it feels from head to toe. Then focus on the “contact points” between you and your partner, and concentrate on things like skin, texture, pressure and temperature.
The following exercises can also help to prepare yourself for mindful sex:
- Maintain eye contact more often with your partner
- Think more often about sex and different types of sex
- Share fantasies with your partner
- Try slow sex
Our extra pjur tips for mindful sex:
- Just take it down a notch: really let each other in again. Maybe meditate together before sex, or take a dream journey with your favourite personal lubricant or massage gel.
- Concentrate on your partner’s skin, hair and tongue and really “bathe” in the mood. You’ll notice that your mind learns how to properly relax and that touch arouses you much quicker during foreplay.
- Let the waves of arousal wash over you, and increase the intensity of stroking or pleasuring yourselves.
- You can quite easily spend 1-2 hours on mindful sex. And why not? Take the time that you need for your intimacy and use a certified personal lubricant that lasts longer 😉
We’ve looked at what mindful sex is and how you can use it to have even better sex and increase your desire. Mindful sex doesn’t just help increase sexual satisfaction, your focus, your confidence and therefore also your libido; you can even use it to increase your natural lubrication. And if that doesn’t work, you know you can always turn to a personal lubricant.
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