It’s just fantasy: Why It’s Normal to Have Sexual Fantasies, Not a Taboo

It's normal to have sexual fantasies, not a taboo
It's normal to have sexual fantasies, not a taboo

We love with both head and heart. That’s a pretty good way of describing what we’re going to talk about in this post. Because let’s be honest, who has not had at least one erotic fantasy – whether with a stranger or in an unusual place? Did you feel ashamed of it, or did you discuss it openly with your partner? Most of us take the first route. But why not use the sexual fantasy as an incentive to improve your sex life? We’ve decided to delve a bit deeper into fantasies. And hopefully encourage you to talk about your sexual fantasies in the future and to live them out!

What exactly are sexual fantasies?

Some can be defined as desires that will never become reality, but others you can think of as stories that our mind tells us to relieve stress. Many experts would even go so far as to say they should be seen as part of our sexual identity. Generally speaking, male and female sexual fantasies do not really differ from each other, and fantasies involving other people than our partner are also completely normal. Psychologists also assume that almost everyone has erotic fantasies. Unfortunately, they are often ashamed to talk about them, or even worry about how their partner will react.

When we think about fantasies, we often automatically think of fantasies of sex with someone who’s not our partner, break taboos in ways we perhaps do not in our own sex lives, try out unusual sex positions, do it in unusual (perhaps public) places, or perhaps even have sex with more than one person – and those are just the erotic fantasies that come straight to mind. However, everyone has their own, very personal sexual fantasies. And it doesn’t have to be hot. Because everyone has different desires, needs and fantasies.

Erotic fantasies: what we get wrong

We often assume that erotic fantasies are always a sign that our needs are not being satisfied. But that’s far from being the case, because sexual fantasies are a part of our sexual identity. They are also seen by experts as the driver for sexual thrills. So, they should play an important part in our sex lives.

Which is exactly why we need to start seeing them as nothing more than a fantasy, something completely normal, rather than something forbidden. There are even scientific studies that have found that 71 percent of male fantasies and 84 percent of female erotic fantasies would actually be realised if we would only talk about them.

We should think of our sexual fantasies as an opportunity to first get to know our own sexuality better, and then use this knowledge to improve our own sex life.

We should think of erotic fantasies as …

Erotic fantases are so much more than a taboo
Erotic fantases are so much more than a taboo

…the keys to a better sex life

…a chance to get to know our own sexuality better

…something that is completely normal, that you shouldn’t feel ashamed of

…a chance to switch off from the stress of everyday life

… inspiration for erotic things we can try out.

So if you dream of trying out an unusual sex position, having sex in an unusual place, or breaking a sexual taboo, then decide what you want to share with your partner and change your sex life to suit your fantasies. Your partner’s reaction might surprise you, and then you’ll both be able to talk openly about your needs and wishes in the future.

If you dream of sex with someone else than your partner, you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it. On the contrary! Pay more attention to exactly what you imagine, and then re-enact that with your partner.

Even while masturbating, a lot of people have erotic fantasies to get themselves in the mood. If you think about someone else other than your partner, you don’t need to worry. As we’ve already mentioned, “It’s just fantasy” – we love with both head and heart.

Sexual fantasies should not be a taboo any more. Talk openly about what turns you on and your desires and needs. That’s the only way to get the sex life you want and that satisfies you. The important thing is that you alone decide what turns you on, what you dream of, if anyone else is involved, and particularly, what you share and what you don’t! They are your sexual fantasies and your sex life!

Comment from the editorial team: The contents of the blog always and equally include same-sex relationships, even if heterosexuality is shown as an example.

Image sources: pexels-cottonbro-6491487, pexels-cottonbro-4153187

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