Perhaps this is a situation you’re familiar with from your own relationship: he really wants to try anal sex at some point, but she is anything but excited at the idea – truth be told, she’s even a little scared, or rather daunted, by the prospect of being penetrated anally. Yet anal sex should be anything but unpleasant and can result in completely new sexual experiences, so long as you get the preparation right!
The problem with anal sex
A survey commissioned by pjur, looking at whether the respondents have a sexual bucket list and what’s on it, also painted the same picture as the one we’ve just described above. “Anal sex” is in the top three for men, yet it doesn’t even make the top ten for women. Looking at the results as a whole, the wish “to have anal sex” comes in at fourth place. So in principle there is definitely a desire to try anal sex – at least amongst men. Unfortunately, there are a number of preconceptions surrounding the issue of anal sex that make many people reluctant to try it out. Although there is no natural lubrication in the anal region, that doesn’t necessarily mean that anal sex has to be painful. It’s all about getting the preparation right. Want to know what’s especially important? We give you the lowdown.
The right preparation for anal sex
- Approach it together 😊
The first thing you need to do to prepare for anal sex is talk about it. Do you both want to try it? How exactly should it happen the first time you do it? When do you want to try it? It’s especially important that both people in a relationship are keen to try anal sex. If one of you is just going along with it to do the other a favour, it can quickly backfire – with the end result that it’s actually painful instead of pleasurable. Because in reality, relaxation is vital for good anal sex.
- Make sure you’re both relaxed!
First and foremost, the passive partner – the one who is going to be penetrated – must be relaxed. If you’re tense during anal sex instead of being relaxed, there’s a high likelihood of doing damage. That’s why it’s important to begin with to gear yourself up for anal sex mentally to make sure you’re as relaxed as you need to be. Imagine what it could be like, and perhaps work up to imagining how it could feel. You can either use your fingers or an anal toy to do this. But beware: since there is no natural lubrication in the anal region, it’s absolutely essential that you use a personal lubricant. We have special personal lubricants for anal sex that can make it especially pleasurable for you.
- Essential hygiene
Before you even get round to preparing your anus, it’s important to take care of hygiene first. Before having anal sex, you should have a bath or shower and clean your bumhole properly. Following a ritual like this before anal sex can also help you relax. If you’re unsure and are worried about the contents of your bowel, you can also use an anal douche to be on the safe side. An anal douche with a squeeze-bulb body is most suitable for this. Simply fill it with water and insert into the anus. Don’t forget to use personal lubricant to make it easier to insert. Ideally, you can use an anal douche two or three times around an hour before anal sex.
- Perfectly prepared 😉
Anyone who is a little unsure and doesn’t want to launch straight into anal sex with their partner can start by trying out how it feels to be penetrated anally using an anal toy or fingers. It’s important to use personal lubricant for this, too. When doing this – and during anal sex too – it’s also important to start off slowly and feel your way carefully. This way you will at least know what to expect when you have anal sex with your partner. Our article “Butt Plugs – How to Use Them” explains exactly how to use a butt plug.
- Be careful – especially the first time!
Once you’ve taken all these precautions and you’re getting down to having anal sex, it’s important to be careful and not go in too deep – especially the first time. Your movements shouldn’t be too fast, either. Preferably, make sure that whatever you do is pleasurable for your partner. The sexual position you choose for anal sex can also be crucial. Beginners in particular should only try certain positions, which enable easy insertion into the anus at the beginning and at the same time allow both partners to control the movement and therefore easily respond if there is any pain. The spoons position is therefore especially good for beginners.
- Make sure she’s totally relaxed 😉
Women who have difficulty relaxing may find it helpful to have their clitoris stimulated beforehand and maybe even to have an orgasm. This is well known to be hugely relaxing, which can make anal sex significantly easier!
Anal sex may be a completely new experience that’s worth trying out. Be bold and try something new together 😊